And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Pooping to opera.
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