bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
