Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
