I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
