so let's talk penis.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
