Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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