I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
