who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
well you can't waste a boner
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
