It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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