Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
