Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
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