I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
