i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
