If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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