FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
