Don't EVER smell your tampon
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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