I can text with my tongue
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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