I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
