we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
