Do vagina's smell?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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