it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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