I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
