I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
