She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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