1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
