For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
