i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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