READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
