Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
