I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
