Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
