Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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