I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
