It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
