That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
