hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize