Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
