my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
