I'm jealous of your bromance
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
