I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
