Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
