so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
