Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
