I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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