omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i think i have herpe
just one?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
