I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
