dude i'm inner monologue high
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
