Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Swine flu. Run for my life!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize