so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
