Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
