Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
