It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
