one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize