we made out on top of his cat.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I am naked and annoyed.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
