He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
