I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
