Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
