im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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