Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
