I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
