don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
