His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Be still, my beating vagina.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
