You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
