there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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