if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
