Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
